When was the last time you looked at a clock --- and laughed?

Please allow me to introduce:       

Phineas Phallus


He's a man of wealth and taste.

The Phineas Phallus wall clock is a personalized, hand-crafted, naughty novelty that you and your friends will enjoy for years.

This fully-assembled clock measures more than 20 inches in height, and “sticks out” almost 11 inches.

It’s destined to become an instant collectible.

But Phineas has a secret . . . one that will surely ---

Newsphlash!

Phineas Phallus pheatured at Phoenix Exotic Art 
Show.  Here's what the New Times had to say:

NewTimes

Back to Phineas' secret --- it made the folks at the 
Exotic Art Show smile every time it was revealed.  

It seems our proper English gentleman can't keep
Big Ben in his pants! 

If you're over 18 and want to see Phineas in action, 
scroll down until the whole window below is showing, then double-click the arrow.


And that's why clock-watching will never be the same. 

Years ago, Ben Franklin said "Time is money."
Today, Phineas Phallus says "Time is funny."

He's a great conversation piece - but the conversation can't start until your friends stop laughing.
The ladies will giggle and blush when Big Ben swings out, but they sure won't haul Phineas off to
small claims court!

How Phineas is created . . .

The original artwork for this laugh-out-loud clock is burned into white oak utilizing precision CO2 laser technology.  Knots and grains in the wood vary, making each clock unique.  The natural wood goes
with all décors, so Phineas can be "hung" anywhere.

The American-made quartz clock movement with a 
sweep second hand will provide exact time for more 
than two years on the INCLUDED “C” battery. 

The penis mechanism is aligned and balanced to
1/10th of a gram and operates non-stop for a year on
the INCLUDED “N” battery (available at Ace Hardware, Radio Shack, etc.)

The pictures below show the mechanism handsomely enclosed and protected in natural cowhide that I 
stain, finish and secure with recessed brass screws.

       

Personalized at NO extra charge . . .

Here's a close-up of Phineas’ 3/4" x 1-3/4" satin brass
belt buckle.  I’ll engrave 3 lines, each up to sixteen characters, with your own PERSONALIZED inscription.

Engraved buckle closeup

Packed and shipped with care . . .

The clock comes packed in a 200#-Test corrugated carton which is then carefully placed into ANOTHER 200#-Test corrugated carton and shipped via FedEx. 

Guaranteed buy-back . . .

Phineas comes with a “No questions asked” 90-day money-back guarantee. If he doesn't keep you on time and smiling, we want him back.  Your money will be
refunded with no questions or hassles. 

The price of this whimsical, moving work of art is 
SEVEN HUNDRED DOLLARS (shipping and handling INCLUDED.)

P.S. If you’re searching for that one-of-a-kind, 
special gift, Phineas is the man.  Rest assured --  whoever gets this clock DOESN’T already own one!

Reserve one NOW!

I make these clocks one at a time and don’t know
how long I can keep it up. To reserve a clock, ask 
a question or leave a comment, click below on the
Big Ben Tower, then phill out the Pheedback Phorm.